flight of the humble bee

Griffin loves Muppsie

2011-12-30T04:18:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year everyone. Hope you have a wonderful 2012.

I'm still reading your blogs!

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Happy Days with Griff Monster

2011-10-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

Our little boy's approaching 14 months and is growing and changing every day. He loves nothing more than zooming around the house with his walker and opening cabinets to see what he can 'play with' (ie break). He's taken a couple of steps on his own and claps his own efforts every time he does :)

He's decided he only needs one sleep a day now (bummer for us) and is Mr Independent. I can't wait for summer to kick in, so we can go to the beach for swims and picnic on the grass.

Unfortunately our landlord wants to move back into the house we're renting, so we've had to look for somewhere else to live. It didn't take us long, and we bought a little apartment on the weekend which is 10 minutes walk from the beach, albeit up a big hill. At least we'll keep nice and fit!

I can't wait to move into our new house and get settled. It has a lovely garden out the back and enough space for a playroom for Griff.

I miss my family so much every day. It's so hard being away from them. But we're heading home for a holiday in a couple of weeks and I know they will adore spending time with my little angel-faced boy x

My boy is one!

2011-08-28T23:54:00.000-07:00

Griff turned one last week and we celebrated this important milestone with our dear friends, Y and R, a very special couple we met at Phoenix Hospital, on our last night in India. They were just beginning their journey when we were getting ready to return home and we have been friends ever since. Three months ago, they brought their beautiful son home. We'd all been waiting such a long time to meet him and it was a joy to welcome him into our lives. I know Griff and Xavy will be great mates and feel very blessed to have met them.

Kerrie and Mark, I couldn't be happier for you. You are such a deserving couple and are already a beautiful family. Everyone else, good news is I have FINALLY bought a new modem and will be back on board blogging from now. Huzzah!

Griff just after an afternoon nap and before we went for a walk.

Griff and his mate Xavy.

Life's a beach :)

Enjoying special time with my Mum, when she came to visit.

these are the moments

2011-06-16T17:18:00.001-07:00

Sometimes the love i feel for griff is so intense that it comes gushing out of me and back into the solar system. It’s in these moments that life makes most sense – there is no distinction between the prosaic and the profound, or there shouldn’t be. Peace and love to u this Friday morning.

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A Long-overdue update

2011-05-15T23:01:00.000-07:00

Sorry :) I've been keeping up with everyone's blogs, but I haven't had the time to update my own. It's very naughty, I know, and I hope you can forgive me.

Well, it's official, I have fallen completely and totally in love with my sonshine. He is such a good-natured, sweet and funny little thing. He loves being tickled and kissed on his tummy, adores hanging out with his buddy, Muppet, and is a really good eater and sleeper. He enjoys tummy time a lot more now and has started moving around the room, albeit backwards.

We spend a lot of our time on 'dates', exploring our surrounds and taking in the beautiful scenery. Even though Summer is over and we're beginning to rug up, we still enjoy going for walks and picnicking by the ocean. Life is a dream and being a Mum is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Griff and I are off to Perth for a couple of weeks on Wednesday. I'm REALLY looking forward to hanging out with my family, but i dread being away from Timmy for so long. I don't know how he'll cope, being away from his sonshine for so long, but we will try to skype him as much as we can.

I hope you're all well and happy and enjoying your babies and pregnancies. Two of our very dear friends, who we met in India and who live in Sydney, went to pick up their son yesterday. We can't wait to meet him and Griff's looking forward to getting to know his new friend.

Here are a few pics of our delicious child. Enjoy!

We went to Melbourne for a holiday and stayed in a fancy hotel. Griff enjoyed his bath in the sink.

Mr Blue Eyes

Daddy hopes Griff loves the 'round ball' as much as he does

My beautiful boy with his proud Mummy just before a lovely dinner

Griff with his mate Muppet. They spend a lot of time hanging out on the rug.

And his best mate Lucas, born two days before him but already crawling :)

Yes, I love you both

What a star...do you like his top? :)

Giggles

Handsome man

Blueberry lips

A family day out - aren't they the best?

My completed Hope Quilt!! And chocolate cupcakes for Mum (even tho she wasn't in Sydney to eat them)

Taken on one of our 'dates'. We often have lunch by the ocean. Griff's terrific company and loves meeting new people. He smiles and smiles as if to say "yes, I am lovely. thanks for noticing".

So much love

2011-03-13T03:11:00.000-07:00

Griff is seven months old tomorrow. Wow, I can hardly believe it. Time has passed so quickly and he's changed so much during that period. Occasionally, I want to freeze time, so I can hold him like a baby forever. But then he'll do something really cool like giggle at my funny voices, flashing me the dimple on his right cheek and scrunching up his nose in pure pleasure as he does it.

He is growing into such a handsome young man, and so full of love. I'm in heaven every day with my gorgeous little lamb chop, and I couldn't be happier.

Love you guys - keep enjoying your pregnancies and babies!

x

his cousin thought he'd look cool in this season's latest bucket-chic

from Am, a year ago. and now it fits!

wow - griff's first word?

2011-02-27T02:14:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone! It's been a long time between posts, but I've been keeping up with you all and am so excited about charlie Cat's beautiful boy and girl's birth. Congrats, CC!

Here's a glimpse into an adoring Daddy and his loving son's night time ritual. If you listen closely, you'll notice Griff copy Tim when he says "wow".

So, by pure luck, we've managed to capture Griff's first word on film. I'm sure it's a word and not just a grunt...don't u think?

x

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i'll be back!

2010-12-30T06:21:00.000-08:00

I'm heading home tomorrow, back to my modem that doesn't work. So if you don't hear from me for a while, know that I'm still reading your blogs, sharing every milestone and moment of happiness with you...I just can't comment. I hope to rectify this situation in the New Year.

In the meantime, here are a couple of cute pics of Griff and his adoring family to tide you over.

Love you lots, surro family. May 2011 be the best year yet, for all of you.

x

look what we found under the tree!

muppet loves her brother, even tho he steals a lot of the attention

Congratulations Kerrie!

2010-12-28T04:28:00.000-08:00

Now please give us some details...:)

And here are a few pictures of my beautiful boy tasting banana for the first time. This is his second attempt at solids, his first being a bit of pumpkin on Christmas day.

x

Oh, and this one's a bit old now, but I just found it on Mum's camera and I love it. My sweet, sweet angel-faced boy.

And one last one (I promise) of Griff and Grandad. Grandad wasn't feeling very well and had a stent put in a week before Christmas, so we had A LOT to celebrate this year. Bless you Griffster and Bless you (Grand)Daddy. I hope we have many more Christmases like these.

firm in the family bosom

2010-12-22T17:18:00.000-08:00

I'm home! And hence able to blog again. lol. Must do something about getting a new modem when I return, as I have missed you so!

Griffster has been enjoying playing with his Aunties and Uncles, Nana and Granddad and cousins. And little does he know, the best is yet to come, for nothing comes close to the joy of Christmas!

To think, it was a year ago we were waiting to hear the much anticipated news that we had a baby on the way. And now that he's here, my life feels like a fairytale.

Colours are brighter, food tastes better, I breathe more deeply and laugh more often. I have so much light in my life!

Merry Christmas everyone, I hope this holiday finds you happy and healthy.

Some photos!

2010-11-30T21:51:00.001-08:00

I'm having one of those rare moments when I can post and see pics on my blog, so here goes. Enjoy the show!

Life is wonderful. I've never felt such contentment. I find myself crying with happiness most days. my poor son - he's going to associate joy with tears right from the onset. Lol.

Love you guys. I'm still here, reading your blogs and following your journeys. :)

Congratulations WHAM!

2010-11-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

Again, frustratingly, Blogger won't let me comment. BLAERGH!!! It only happens to some blogs, and it depends on the day...but it's annoying the crap out of me.

You may have noticed I haven't blogged for a while. Not because I haven't wanted to, but because I can't. Argh!

Anyway...I'm having a rare moment of Blogger clarity, so let me use it to congratulate Will and Michael on the birth of Harry. Well done, boys! I'm over the moon for you.

May Harry have a long and happy life, filled with joy and wonder. I'm certain that he will :)

xxx

Something's wrong with Blogger!

2010-10-31T04:40:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone

We just signed up to a new Internet Providor and I don't think it's talking properly with my modem, cause for some reason I can't comment on Blogs or see any images.

Please know that I am reading your posts and I'm with you 100%.

Congrats to those about to pick up their baby and others who are pregnant, have just started treatment or have just become parents. I'm rejoicing with you...I wish I could comment! I feel so cut off from you all. :(

I'll do my best to find my voice again soon. Until then, love you lots and keep sharing your news. I'm reading!

xxx

Griff's Activity Mat

2010-10-27T16:16:00.001-07:00

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The Ladies Man

2010-10-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

Griff's new nickname at Parent's Group is "The Ladies Man". He looooves the ladies. Loves them. And they seem to love him, too.

This was his first hook-up, a young lady he spent a while trying to attract the attention of...

only to leave her for another girl later in the afternoon.

Joining Parent's Group is the best thing I've done since moving to Sydney. In no time at all, I've gone from having no friends to having 12 girls nearby, all keen to catch up and enjoy our babies. It couldn't be better.

This weekend, I also had two of my very best friends visit. Babies have not come easy to any of us, so we found the weekend especially special. (Hold tight, Queena...your time will come soon!)

I've been catching up on your blogs, dear surro family. So much has happened in the past week. We really are an exciting bunch, aren't we?

I'm back, but something's missing...

2010-10-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. Sorry I've been AWOL this past week. I've been moving house and have just managed to set up the Internet at our new place (and find the time to check emails/blogs). It's VERY hard moving house with an infant. Thank God I had my Mum over to help - she was such a trooper.

Since I've logged back in, I can't seem to see anyone's pictures, or the pics on my own blog. Can you do me a favour and tell me whether you can see my images or not. I've got a few cute photos I'd like to share with you.

Thanks! x

UPDATE: Don't worry, I've fixed the problem. Now I can post some cute pics of the boy!

chasing a smile

2010-10-17T03:16:00.000-07:00

My Mum's here at the moment, and we had the nicest day today. We walked to the beach and had a picnic, then came back home and sat and drank wine on our front porch, overlooking the beach.

It was heavenly.

miles of smiles

2010-10-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

Lots of smiling today. it's like someone turned on a switch. :)

And of course, the more Griff smiles, the more I cry. I'm such a wet sop. Sorry, Griffo - you'll get used to it.

a fun weekend

2010-10-09T03:07:00.001-07:00

Griffo had his 2 month immunizations on Saturday. We somehow managed to find the oldest Doctor in Sydney and watched with baited breath as he readied himself to inject our child.

Wow! Let me tell you, nothing could have prepared us for the lightning speed in which this ancient man dealt his blows. He held one needle in each hand and thrust them into Griff's cheeks simultaneously. He was so fast and we left feeling quite silly about our ageist attitude. This Doctor was really something!

Griff was really great for the rest of the day and didn't seem to be bothered by the vaccines. He even let us go for a lovely two hour walk along the coast. We then spent the afternoon having lunch with a couple we met in the waiting room at Phoenix hospital. It was our last day, and Tim was leaving a 'deposit' just in case we decided to try again a little down the track. This couple were doing the same thing and recently received the news that they're pregnant. :) It has to be the strangest way to meet someone, but an interesting story to tell our children in the future, I'm sure.

By popular demand, here are some pics of my beloved boys. And one of me, too, just for good measure. :)

A lifetime of joy in one moment

2010-10-05T23:24:00.000-07:00

This must be what Heaven feels like.

I am so in love with my boy, so happy in our new home and so grateful and appreciative of all that I have.

This week was my first without Tim. He went back to work on Monday, dragging his heels, and I prepared myself for the sense of loss and exhaustion I'd face looking after Griffster all by myself. However, while we miss Daddy immensely, and we do feel tired and frustrated occasionally, I'm pleased to say that I'm not only surviving as a Mum, but POSITIVELY THRIVING!! I love it!!

Angel face boy (one of his many nicknames) is enjoying getting into a routine with me. We 'feed, play, sleep' in the morning and then try to spend at least some of the afternoon out and about, taking in our new surroundings. He just loves being in his baby bjorn and I gotta say I love the freedom it gives me. I love walking along the beach with him, feeling proud of my new Mummy status and enjoying the sense of closeness the baby carrier brings.

When we get home, we usually have a feed, then spend about half an hour singing and dancing around the house. We're singing 'My Guy' at the moment, which griff really responds to.

Buster Boy (another nickname) is smiling more and more and my heart melts every time he does it. He's still so patient with us, so kind and so full of love. Tim said last night that he can sense Griffin knows how loved he is. I think he must be right, as I do tell him every 5 minutes. :)

My mum's coming next week for 10 days and I can't wait! She's going to help us move into our new house. Which, if you're reading this mum, means you'll be on Griff duty while we feather the nest!

Hoorayyyyy!!!!!

Being a Big, Brave Girl

2010-10-01T00:18:00.001-07:00

I feel like we've achieved a lot in the 2 weeks we've been here. Much of our time and energy has been spent trying to secure a home. And I can tell you, it's been extremely competitive. Each Home Open we've rocked up to has had about 50-60 people lined up outside. It's been quite disheartening, but I guess that's what you get when you choose to live by the beach in Sydney.

Still, our perseverance and determination has paid off (haha...a familiar story, huh?), as we managed to nab our dream home yesterday, which we move into in a couple of weeks. It's lovely, a short stroll to the beach and has ample room for guests. :)
Plus it's very reasonably priced!

I've just come back from my first Mothers' Group meeting. It went well, but how I wish I could have brought you all with me to hold my hand. It was quite nerve-wracking, meeting all the new Mums, with their bountiful breast-feeding bosoms bouncing around in the air. While there WAS a lo of talk about breastfeeding, I found the group to be warm and welcoming and was definitely glad I'd made the effort.

We sat in a circle and started the meeting by introducing ourselves and using one word to describe what 'Motherhood' means to us. I said it is 'miraculous' and then went on to share my story. There were sighs and smiles in all the right places, so I felt quite supported and not as freakish as I thought I'd feel. It's so important to me to make friends, what with being in a new city with a new baby, a busy hubby and no family. Lucky I'm so bloody friendly!

So now, my only job is to take care of the boy, enjoy being by the beach and getting into a proper routine.

I can't wait.

lunch at Palm Beach with friends from Melbourne. They came up especially to see griffin :)

ps - when I finished my Mothers' group meeting, I walked around the corner and found Tim waiting for me. He was holding a brown paper bag in his hands - a present for me (he'd been to the second hand book shop and found a Truman Capote book I hadn't read - yippeeeee!).

My treat for "...being a big, brave girl."

What a man.

Wow...so exciting!

2010-09-22T04:41:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy of late. Trying to find a house in our new town and settling into parenthood, but I just wanted to take a moment to say a very very very warm welcome to 4 very special girls and 2 very special boys, all of whom are in India as we speak.

Well done Christmas Eve Boys, Tjudle and Edward and Paul. I am so very happy for you all.

Griffin sends a big shout out to his surro cousins, too!

xxx

home sweet home, but moving on again

2010-09-12T05:51:00.001-07:00

It's been so wonderful to be at home with our families. I've discovered there's nothing quite as nice as watching your loved ones coo over your baby. I've adored watching my Mum and griffster bond (especially at 7am, when I've been "watching" from my bed) and it's been pure pleasure to see the rest of the family embrace him and welcome him into the fold.

But, we're off again on Tuesday. The time has come and gone so quickly and it's time to carve a path for ourselves in Sydney. Yet again, we'll be starting out on our big, brave adventure.

Wish us luck and in the meantime, please enjoy these pics of our beautiful boy and his loving family.

pure deliciousness

2010-08-31T04:41:00.000-07:00

we got our passport yesterday, our magic envelope today, hopefully our stamp tomorrow, which means we fly home thursday.

woohoo!!!

that makes a turnaround from birth to departure of 2.5 weeks. not bad!

A great day

2010-08-27T05:20:00.000-07:00

A gorgeous bunch of flowers arrived for me today, from the SCI team. What a lovely way to start the day. :) Thank you, ladies.

We also moved into our new apartment, which is massive and quite grand. It'll take a while for us to get used to Anil, our caretaker, hanging around. But he's always eager to help with anything we need, including tea and coffee on demand and other household chores. Just means we won't be able to frolic through the house naked...Oh well, probably best for all concerned if we wear more clothes than usual this week.

Our night nurse arrives this evening and Tim and i will SLEEP. Oh, sleep. How I've missed you.

Here are a few pics of the place. It's got three large bedrooms with ensuites, a massive lounge, kitchen, terrace etc. It's also close to shops and is in a quiet location. The only negative is that the power occasionally drops in and out, but I think that's hard to avoid in Delhi and doesn't last long. Anil soon gets it started again!

through to the dining room and kitchen

up to the terrace

the lounge

our room

griff's room

Year 33

2010-08-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Last year, I wrote my first 'state of address' birthday post. You can read it here. I'm going to do this every year from now on. I'm an archivist at heart and if you read both of these birthday posts back to back, you'll see what a difference a year has made in my life.

This year I'm cheating a bit, because I'll be too busy moving apartments to make an entry on my actual birthday, so I'm writing this post on the 26th. Please forgive me, Oh Keeper of Time. I don't mean to deliberately dupe you.

Waking up:

Today I woke up to the sounds of my baby crying for food. I had been dreaming of him. In my dream, Daddy was throwing him up into the air and they were both laughing. When I woke up, Tim was already in the kitchen, getting Griff's bottle ready and speaking soft words of comfort. I told Tim about my dream and we both laughed. "It won't be long till I can do that for real" was Tim's reply.

I can just imagine the look on my Mum's face.

We're currently in a studio apartment in South Delhi. It's very small, but we've quickly gotten used to the space and now consider it home. Our son sleeps in a bassinet in the middle of the bed and we change him on a rug on the floor. It's not ideal, but fits well with his adventure-filled entry into the world.

We've been in Delhi for over two weeks and hope to get home in a week or so. Then we'll be spending time with family in Perth before moving to Sydney, where we'll find a new home and a new life (by the beach). :)

Working:

I've finished working for now. I used to teach and now i don't. Now I have nothing but baby on my brain. And I know this is going to be the most rewarding full-time job I've ever had. Griffin does things in 3 hour cycles, giving us about an hour to an-hour-and-a-half break between sleep and feeds. It's been strange getting used to our day being blocked in such a way, but we've worked as a team and seem to have established a routine that works.

Tim has six more weeks off before he has to start his new job. He's saved these holidays up over the past few years. It's been such an amazing way to bond as a family.

Loving:

I'm more in love with my husband today than I've ever been. When our son was born, I began to see Tim's face in a new way. It took on more depth, and I saw new expressions, new features, his whole face in a new light. You may think it's impossible to find anything new in a face you've known better than your own for so long, but I can tell you, it's true. I love watching his eyes flicker and his pupils dilate with wonder when he looks at his boy. I've never seen him so alive and content.

Our boy, Griffin Thomas, is 12 days old today. He is sweet and strong. He is incredibly patient with his Mummy and Daddy and I can see kindness move through him at all times, even when he's crying. Looking after and loving him makes me feel like a whole person. If I achieve nothing else in my life, I will be satisfied. Finding him is the best thing I've ever done and I will devote the rest of my life to ensuring his world is full of joy.

Family:

It's hard being away from our family at a time like this. We want our Mums and Dads, Aunties and Uncles, Brothers and Sisters, Nieces and Nephew, Cousins and friends to hold our child. But we can be patient. When I hear my Mum talk to Griffin over skype, I see the recognition on his face. It is my Mum's words, intonations and inflections that fill my voice. As far as Griff is concerned, we are the same person. Only I speak with an Australian accent and Mum sounds like Worzel Gummidge :) He'll get used to it. Perhaps he will even have a slight Devonian twang while he's visiting his Nanna and Grandad.

I hope so.

Other Offerings:

These past two years have taught me a lot about myself and life. They have taught me to never give up and have shown me that I really am a resilient person. This is something I had always suspected, but which has been proven beyond all measure of doubt through the trials we have encountered in 2009.

I have also found myself part of an amazing worldwide family. One that has given me strength and hope. One that has made me feel connected and enabled me to face the pain and share the joy with others on a daily basis. I hope to always stay rooted to these people, and to share our experiences as our babies grow. Perhaps one day we will have a party. It would be a very good one.

I have also learnt that the world is full of goodness and wonder. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I've no doubt this is the case. But for me, and a lot of my surro family, it has taken a village to create one. Griffin will always know how special the people are who brought him into our arms. He is a miracle boy and stands on the shoulders of giants. His specialness will be celebrated always.

In a lot of ways, this feels like my very first birthday. I am so grateful to live in this world and am forever endebted to the many mothers that have had a part to play in my son's birth.

My darling Griffin - half lion, half soaring bird - all heart.

muscle man

2010-08-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

We thank our lucky stars every day that our little boy is so fit and strong.

Now we just have to be patient and wait for the paperwork. For some reason, it's taking a lot longer to process at the Aussie HC than previous applications. We suspect the Commonwealth Games has something to do with it.

Oh well, it might be a bit frustrating having to wait, but we can't get bored when we have such an amazing boy to look at.

Griff's first mate and a real find!

2010-08-24T01:39:00.001-07:00

He lives downstairs, and he's a week older than Griff. They love hanging out together on the balcony, and generally being cute.

We have to move out of Lotus on Friday, but have managed to find somewhere even better. It's an apartment 5 mins from here, which has 3 double bedrooms, all with ensuites, a kitchen, dining room, lounge and full time caretaker. Breakfast is provided by the caretaker, all clothes are washed by the caretaker, all errands are run by the caretaker and there is a rooftop terrace. All for 4000 inr a night!! That's about the same price we're paying for our studio apartment at Lotus. It is a real find and I'm indebted to my friend for her invaluable research skills. You know who you are, kiddo!!

If you'd like to enquire about Green Leaf Apartments, Kalkaji, email Vipul at vipul.jhalani@greenleaf.bz. He's a lovely man.

I'll post some pics once we've moved in (on my birthday!).

fallin forever deeper

2010-08-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

While Daddy was at the Embassy, submitting some documents, I decided to have a mini photo shoot with beautiful boy.

His jaundice has cleared up a lot in the past few days, thank goodness. He did have his first serious crying episode tonight, but we were able to deal with it relatively easily (only took us a couple of hours to finally settle him!) and restore peace to our humble home-away-from-home.

I am just so in love with our little boy. I knew it would be good, but nothing prepared me for how complete I would feel. How alive and at peace and full of love.

Happy Rakhi Day tomorrow, everyone. For us, it means that the shops will be shut and our paperwork will be put on hold, but we don't mind - it's a beautiful holiday and one I'll continue to celebrate.

What a day!

2010-08-19T03:51:00.000-07:00

Today we took Griff to get his DNA test. It was a relatively easy thing to do, but we couldn't have picked a worse day to do it. Torrential rain literally turned the roads into lakes, and we were stuck in traffic for hours. I wouldn't have minded so much, but I was ABSOLUTELY busting to go to the bathroom, and what with the cascading rain and water, water everywhere, I found the journey quite uncomfortable. Thank goodness Griff was his normal mild-mannered self. He didn't complain once and drank his formula like a trooper, then went straight back to sleep.

He is an angel.

Before I forget, here are a few more things you may want to bring:

- make sure you bring a USB stick, as it'll make it easier for you to take photos of baby and then print out at photo lab for passport shot.
- bring a cup that will enable you to travel with formula.
- a small thermos, which'll make it easy to keep filtered, safe water on tap for bottles.
- check with your agency to make sure they supply a bath, bottle warmer and steriliser. If not, bring your own.
- some vaseline for baby's chin, in case they get milk rash.
- a phone that will be easy to put an Indian sim card in. A mobile is a must!

That's it for now. Here are some pics of the lovely one for you to chew on.

ps - I LOVE being a Mum. LOVE it!!!

first day home

2010-08-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

yes - he is home with us! woohoo!

before i forget, make sure you bring heaps of flannels, small towels and cotton buds with u.

the very best day

2010-08-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

As we drove home in the car at the end of a very long day, my darling husband turned to me and said "i think this has been the best day yet". And by that he meant 'ever'. Not just on this trip, or this year, or this decade...but of our entire lives.

And he was right.

We spent a good part of the day hanging with little griff at the hospital. He is just the most beautiful boy we have ever met, and he has added a new dimension to our already overflowing love. We can't believe it.

We made a promise to ourselves and to Griff today that he will always know love and happiness in our home. We want him to have the best childhood anyone could wish for and I think we'll achieve it.

On a practical note - here are some things you will need before I forget.

- some transparent plastic pouches to attach your passport photos to the 118 form with. they're had to find in Delhi so bring some from home

- make sure you have a copy of your contract with you at the hospital when you fill out your BC

that's it for now - much love to you!

Day two and more pics

2010-08-14T22:55:00.001-07:00

Thank you so much for your heartfelt congratulations and love. We can feel it all the way over in Delhi and we can't wait to give it right back when it's your turn. And it will be soon, for all of you!

Here are some pics of our beautiful little boy. He was really settled today and off the oxygen - phew! The nurse led us to a room (cupboard?) off the side of the nursery where we were able to have a cuddle or two in private. It felt so good to have him in our arms, but i must admit, it ripped my heart out when I had to give him back.

But if this journey has taught me one thing, it's to be patient. What's another couple of days when we've waited a lifetime?

ps - thanks aunty caylow, for my very first wrap!

He's Here!

2010-08-14T04:16:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone!

Timmy and I are proud to announce the arrival of.....drumroll pls....

Griffin Thomas

He was born at 10.15am Delhi time, 14 August 2010. He weighed 3.9kgs. Our beautful SM is doing well and we are so very grateful to her and the rest of the staff at Phoenix Hospital for our miracle boy.

We are also grateful to all of you - our dear friends and family who have loved us and supported us through thick and thin.

Enjoy the pics!!!

jo and tim

ps - we can see he's a real character already and we love him dearly!

No news yet

2010-08-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

We're still waiting...

We'll keep you posted as soon as anything happens.

x

it's beginning to feel a lot like christmas...

2010-08-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

You know that Christmas Eve feeling you used to get as a kid? That's how we feel right now.

We're tingling with anticipation.

Our dear SM is in hospital, 1cm dilated and we're hoping and praying that she dilates some more over the course of the evening. We're thinking she'll give birth sometime tomorrow. Wowee, can you believe it?

We've been having a lot of fun in the meantime and it's been great getting to know Shilpi and Laxmi better. Shilpi is so helpful - she's gone out of her way to make sure our needs are met and Laxmi has an air of calm that is very reassuring.

They are both so warm, helpful and friendly.

I just can't wait for all you expecting IPs to come to Delhi and experience this adventure for yourselves. You're going to love it!

xxx

ps - keep your fingers crossed overnight, family...I'll update you as soon as I can.

The Lady Herself

2010-08-11T08:22:00.000-07:00

I met Dr Shivani for the first time this evening. After a year of emails, telephone calls and Gmail chats, I've finally been able to put a face to the voice and name.

And what a beautiful face it is!

Dr Shivani made me feel calm and supported. She has a warmth and strength to her that is unique. As most of you know, I'm not new to this game, and I've been 'romanced' by a few players in my time. But Dr Shivani's compassion and genuine care for her patients and surrogates is apparent on every level. She is the real deal, the genuine article, and I feel so lucky to have found her.

Tomorrow we will meet our surrogate and watch her final scan. We'll see how she is and take it from there.

Tim and I are buzzing today...we're going to be parents soon, and we can't wait!

We're here!

2010-08-10T10:23:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

Gotta make this quick cause I'm absolutely knackered, but I wanted to check in with you because I know from personal experience how wonderful every morsel of info is at this point. So here goes!

We're having a wonderful time exploring our neighbourhood and getting to know our new home. We've stocked the fridge, formed a relationship with some reasonably priced drivers, met the SCI team, seen their new digs, celebrated a new arrival with some fellow-Aussie IPs and gotten some really good advice while we've been at it.

Before I forget, make an appointment with Mr Chawla before the baby is born (if you're able and indeed, if you're engaging his services), buy a cheap Indian mobile phone and get your bank draft money order sorted while you've still got spare time before baby comes. We're going to try to do this tomorrow and apparently it takes half a day to do so.

That's about it for now. Except to say I ran into one of my icons on the way over here at Singapore Airport. I noticed this amazingly fierce and yet relaxed woman striding along and thought to myself "Jesus! That's Germaine Greer!" So I followed her for half an hour while she weaved in and out of jewellers, looking at expensive diamond rings and the like.

Are feminist icons allowed to like diamonds???

Oh, and we experienced our first taste of the monsoon season today. One minute it was fine, if not a bit humid, the next it was raining cats and dogs and we had to wade through the water until we finally reached our hotel. We both had showers and disinfected our feet after that...the water was not very nice, I can tell you!

Anyway, this has turned into a longer post than I had planned. I have all of you with me, every day and I can't wait to share my happy news with you soon.

Love you all lots and lots

xxx

We're off tomorrow!

2010-08-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone! Sorry I haven't written for so long. We managed to move out of our house successfully a couple of days ago and now find ourselves in Perth, counting down the last moments of singledomness with family and friends till we head off to India tomorrow.

Our beautiful family (and in particular my SIL and bro) threw an amazing baby shower for us today. There was so much joy - our cups were overflowing with the stuff. :)

Now we're packing our cases for the real thing and readying ourselves for India.

It's still not real. I don't think it will be till we hold our baby in our arms.

Love you all and will post again when we have news to share. Ie - we're in the hotel and have a spare moment!!!!

xxx

What do you see?

2010-07-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure what we're looking at. What do you think?

Baby is 35 weeks tomorrow and while still measuring big, is on target to arrive in a couple of weeks.

Our house is nearly finished. We managed to find tenants yesterday and we start moving everything out in about a week. Then we'll head over to Perth, drop off our dear little doggie with mum and dad, welcome Toby into the world and get on a jetplane headed for India.

The next couple of weeks are going to be hectic, to say the least. After years of clinging to a distant dream, we're having a hard time believing that things are finally taking shape.

I'm starting to incorporate another person into my dreams now. I can't see him or her, but I just know that there is someone beside me. Someone I'm supposed to be looking after.

Wow... heavy!

My babies

2010-07-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

They slept while I made ready our party. I love them so.

You'll be a Leo!

2010-07-22T16:29:00.000-07:00

My favourite people tend to be Leos. They're always the charismatic ones. The ones that ooze confidence and dynamism. I'm drawn to them like a moth to a flame and don't they know it!

I always wanted to be a Leo, but alas, I was born a few days too late. I'm an uptight Virgo. 'Organized' and 'Analytical'. Bleh.

But you'll be a Leo, my precious baby. And this is yet more proof that I'll be totally under your spell!

(this post makes me sound like a star sign nut - I'm not. I just have a thing for Leos!)

xxx

A lovely day

2010-07-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

Today I went to my best friend's house for lunch with her and another girlfriend. It was so lovely. She surprised me with a beautiful home-cooked meal, with all the trimmings. After we finished dessert, she produced a platter of cupcakes, some with blue icing, others with pink. She asked me to close my eyes and pick one.

Which colour do you think I picked?

If you guessed *Pink*, you'd be right!

But...and here's the but... on the way home in the car, I noticed I had quite a bit of blue icing trapped under my fingernail. I must have gone for a blue one before I settled on the pink.

Hmmm...the plot thickens!

Mum

2010-07-18T01:39:00.000-07:00

My clever Mum sent me six new squares today for my hope quilt. Aren't they good? She's so clever and thoughtful. Thanks Mummy, i love ya!

It's all becoming a bit more real now. Last night, as i was falling asleep, I was thinking about my relationship with my gorgeous niece and nephew and how different life will be as a Mum, instead of an enamoured Aunty. I thought about how I'd be responsible for this little one, and that i wouldn't have to hand him or her back to anyone, or look to someone else for guidance or permission on important decisions or interactions.

Wow. To say I'm excited (and a little bit trepidatious) is an understatement. But if I'm at least a little bit like my own Mum, I know I'll be doing a good job.

Love you lots, Mumma, and thanks for the new squares! xxx

our SM is home, phew!

2010-07-15T00:17:00.001-07:00

We were so happy to receive an email from Dr Shivani last night saying that our SM had been discharged from the Hospital and that her mild pain had stopped. PHEW!

Its so hard being so far away and not knowing what to do, but I'm forever grateful to Dr Shivani and her team for keeping us informed and telling us exactly what's going on. I trust my baby's life with her. Nothing more needs to be said. :)

Thanks you so much for your support, everyone! Love u all xxx

braxton hicks?

2010-07-11T21:58:00.000-07:00

We woke up this morning to an email from Dr Shivani saying that our SM had been admitted to hospital with mild contractions. She said the neck of the womb hadn't opened, so no reason to panic. We'll just have to "see how it goes". :)

I was just thinking to myself last night, gee...i'm glad everything is running to schedule and we can get everything organised before baby arrives. Ha - i guess that's what happens when you get too cocky!

we bought our pram yesterday and a few other bits and pieces. Our visas also arrived today, so at least we can get on a plane if we really need to. I'm going to try to buy a cot and change table sometime this week. Gosh...it really feels like time is slipping away from me.

Hopefully baby will stay where he/she is for a few weeks longer. Did you hear that baby bee? STAY PUT FOR MUMMY AND DADDY! WE'RE NOT READY!!

I'm home...and 32 weeks today

2010-07-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

I got home yesterday at an ungodly hour, after spending a week with my family at a farm in the south-west of WA.

I had a lovely time - drinking lots of cider with my brother and SIL, feeding the animals with the kids and going on early morning hay rides - but it was hard being separated from you guys and the rest of the world. Especially at such an action-packed time, just after Am had become a mummy, when Kerrie and Mark were waiting for egg collection and while we were approaching 32 weeks! What a time to become disconnected from the internet!

Still, we're back now, and the hard work begins in earnest. Tim and I have to paint the exterior of our house (back, front and side), pack everything for moving, finish renovating the kitchen and (commence and) complete lots of odd jobs that have been on our 'to do list' for ages. Then we've got to find tenants, say goodbye to our friends and get on a plane to India, via Perth, where we'll dispatch our doggy for a few weeks.

I'm feeling a bit stressed just thinking about all the things we've got to do. So stressed, that I'm not really thinking about the baby. Perhaps this is a sensible way to spend the remaining four weeks...it certainly provides a good distraction!

down on the farm

2010-06-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

Hi guys - just a quickie to let you know I won't be around for a week. I'm going to a farmstay with my niece and nephew and family. there'll be ducks and pigs and geese and horses and chickens and cows, but no internet.

love you all and can't wait to hear your progress when i come back.

xxx

TOBY!

2010-06-29T01:17:00.000-07:00

Give us a T....T!
Give us an O....O!
Give us a B....B!
Give us a Y....Y!

What does it spell?

A lovely little boy, a miracle child, wanted and loved so much by many people, but especially your mummy and daddy.

Happy birthday, Toby! Welcome to the world,

love from your Surro Aunty!

xxx

School's Out!

2010-06-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit emotional at the moment because I just had my last day of School. We had a morning tea, where my Head of School gave a speech about me and said a fond farewell. It was so lovely and really heartfelt. I will miss working with such a wonderful group of people, and I'll miss my 60+ girls something cruel. During the years, I've watched them make amazing films, create animations, record songs and basically inspire me with their creativity every day. It'll be very sad to leave such a warm, vibrant community. I've made so many great friends here and I hope I won't be too lonely without them.

But on the upside, we're 30 weeks tomorrow. :) And I'm a free woman. :) My amazing husband has told me I don't ever have to work again, if I don't want to. I know I'll miss my job so much I won't be able to stay away, but it is nice to know there's no pressure to go back before I'm ready. Plus I want to spend as much time with my beautiful baby before he/she goes to a school of their own.

So, some sadness today. But mostly excitement and happiness, looking to our bright future and the good times we have ahead of us as a family.

xxx

ps - I asked Tim's mum what he was like as a baby last night. She said he liked to be patted to sleep and he slept stomach down on a lambs's wool blanket. She also said he hated wearing his nappy, was very cheeky and never chubby, and that he was a lovely little baby.

I'm so excited!

Boom Boom!

2010-06-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

When I was a toddler, I loved Basil Brush. So much so that my Mum looked everywhere for a Basil Brush toy for me. But alas, she couldn't find one. So what did my mum do? She made her own! And it was exactly like the real Basil Brush, better even. And I loved it.

I'm calling on my Mum's skills once more to help me with these little Softies. I'm not much of a sewer, so I'm going to need her help to bring these gorgeous characters to life.

Mum, will you help me please? Between the two of us, we'll have them sewn up in no time.

Boom Boom!

The images are all taken from the softies books - a great read if you're interested.

oops!

2010-06-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

just realised how rude the title of my last post is! sorry!

I'm feeling the boy vibe

2010-06-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

Last night, one of my bestest friends sent me a text message that said:

"Just woke up from the most amazing dream - you were playing with your little boy in a backyard with clematis growing on a back trellis - he has such a shock of black hair and you were both giggling so hard as he kept falling over. :) It was so lovely, just so much happiness :)

Thanks for sharing your beautiful vision, T. We've both been through so much to create our families and I can hardly believe we'll be mums together soon. What a delightful surprise, is life!

Not once did you doubt we'd get there. Not once did you question our shared destiny. Thanks for your constant support, understanding and, most importantly, your undying faith.

I hope our babies will always be friends, like us. :)

words of wisdom

2010-05-25T19:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the Libary, looking after a class while their real teacher is away. Here's a really cute poster I've spotted, which I'd like to share with you now;

The more you read,
the more you know.
The more you know,
the smarter you grow.
The smarter you grow,
the stronger your voice,
when speaking your mind
or making your choice.

Cool, huh?

The lost tapes found

2010-05-24T18:24:00.000-07:00

Tim's mum surprised us last night with a really cool online vid of baby Timmy. She doesn't have many pictures of him as a newborn, so this video was an absolute treat! I paused and played, paused and played, paused and played all night.

Here it is - follow the link instead of the image, as it's just a screenshot.

25 weeks!

2010-05-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

But measuring 27. Looks like I have a BIG bumble bee on my hands. And I'm smitten. I can't stop looking at this picture of my beautiful baby.

The scan came in late last night and I was awake to receive it. It's funny - I'm relatively stress free during the weeks leading up to the scan, but my brain goes into panic mode the day I'm expecting them. I wish I could relax a bit and enjoy the process, but my imagination won't let me. It's so nerve wracking!

Thanks, Dr Shivani, for being so understanding. I'm so lucky to have you as my doctor!

Anyway, we received our scan and all is well. Phew! We're thinking it's a little boy now. What do you think?

x

nearly-completed-quilt

2010-05-12T15:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I say nearly...the work has only just begun for my poor mum, who has to figure out how to finish it off properly. We're going to frame it and I think mum's going to sew the squares together, so they keep a good shape.

The project's certainly been a labour of love and is already considered an heirloom (in my mind, anyway!). Each square is placed in chronological order, so the quilt can be read as a story. My family and Tim's family have all contributed a square, but the bulk has been made by me, mum and timmy. Yes, timmy spent many an evening with us sewing tiny pieces of felt onto squares of fabric. What a man! If you look closely, you'll see his squares include the piano, the guitar, pacman and the soccer ball, to name but a few.

Thanks mum and Timmy. I love you!!!

i must be dreaming

2010-05-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

I love dreaming. And luckily for me, I dream a lot. Vivid, creative and often surprising dreams. Dreams that stay with me for days on end and enable me to understand my waking life more clearly.

Until last night, I hadn't dreamt of our baby. Not once. And it was starting to bug me. I was thinking, perhaps I've protected my heart so much, that my brain has built a wall around my subconscious, forbidding any dreams to seep through.

Bummer!

But last night my sleepful-self gave my wakeful-self a wonderful glimpse into the (possible) future. I dreamt of my little baby - a gorgeous little girl. Tiny and so happy to see me. She had an exquisitely expressive face and a warmth that woke me smiling.

It was lovely!

Happy Mothers' Day my dear surro family. I hope, wherever you are in your journey, that you have a happy day with the ones you love.

xxx

what a difference a year makes

2010-05-04T17:16:00.001-07:00

I'm officially in countdown mode at work and as we all know, one of the joys of leaving a place, is trying to remove every last trace of yourself from the computer network. Lol.

As I was going through some of my image files, I came across this very old wordle, which I made last year (after one of my many miscarriages/negatives). Looking at it brought a lump to my throat and put a knot in my stomach. What a tough year that was. :(

Still, every cloud has a silver lining and I decided to create a new wordle, based on this year's blog contents. I think you'll agree that there's been quite a turn around. Even the colours I've chosen to represent myself reveal a new invigorated spirit.

See for yourself then give it a go.

Wordle 2009

Wordle 2010

p.s. here's a picture

2010-04-22T00:25:00.001-07:00

I like this pic. My babe's nose and lips look really sweet.

thanks :)

2010-04-21T02:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks so much for you recommendations and well wishes, my gorgeous ones.

I'm looking forward to checking out a whole range of books.

xxx

20 weeks!

2010-04-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! We reached 20 weeks on Friday and I'm happy to report that all is well.

But I do need your help! I spent a couple of hours in the bookstore on the weekend, trying to find a good baby book. Do you have any suggestions? I'd like something that provides a no-nonsense, pratical guide to bringing home baby and beyond.

Thanks guys! I look forward to hearing your recommendations.

(All Down Hill from Here, by Sandy Sandy)

here she/he is!

2010-04-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful way to start Easter Sunday. I had no idea we would be receiving a scan this morning - let alone one this revealing!

Thanks, Dr Shivani.

Happy Easter everyone. Enjoy these pics of my beautiful babe!

18 weeks tomorrow

2010-04-01T03:57:00.000-07:00

And all is well.

We received our triple marker test results from Dr Shivani today. Negative on all tests, including a 1:10000 chance of Trisomy 18 and a 1:1000 chance of Trisomy 21.

Phew! I like those odds.

Think I might go pram shopping with my mum this week. Hooray!

xxx

can't quiet those voices

2010-03-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

Well, we received our 16 week scan last week, and I'm happy to report all is well with baby bee. I'm so relieved.

Being both pregnant and not pregnant is so hard. Much more difficult than I thought it would be, and I find myself wishing the days away, despite myself.

I visited one of my best fiends on the weekend. She's just had a baby, after 9 years of IVF, and it was amazing to see her nursing her little one, like it was the most natural thing in the world. It reminded me that miracles can and do happen, and that even if 'my pregnancy' seems so far away and unreal at the moment, it won't feel that way forever.

Gosh, I love this little one so much already. Yet I'm still too scared to love him or her properly. My heart feels like it's in an emotional spasm. So full and ready to love, yet held back by fear and anxiety.

If I'm a bit quiet, it's because I'm in detox. I'm still thinking about you all the time, I just need to have a break for my own sanity.

Lots of love to you all and hope your journey is treating you well.

a big day

2010-03-09T19:41:00.001-08:00

I resigned yesterday.

It wasn't scary or nerve-wrecking, although I did feel a bit strange disclosing such personal information to my boss.

I've decided I'm not telling my colleagues and students about our pregnancy. The general vibe at my school is conservative, and I don't want to open myself up to negative energy of any kind. I am also very nervous that sharing my happy news will somehow jinx us. I know that this is completely irrational, but when you've had your hopes raised and thwarted as many times as we have, it makes sense to want to keep things on the slow burn for a little while.

As far as I'm concerned, the important people in our lives know what's happening, and that's fine with us. I also have a small group of close friends at work who are in on the secret. There's about ten of them, and they wink at each other from across the room to indicate they're part of my secret surro society.

My boss was really supportive and said she'd knit something for our little one. Aww. She told me I had a gift for teaching, and that it was sad to see me go.

I will miss it, but I'm 100% ready to start the most important teaching job of my life. I hope little baby bee is a keen student! :)

So, one more term left to teach. It's a strange feeling, but a good one.

Gosh...this is all becoming real.

our weather event

2010-03-06T21:34:00.000-08:00

It was a nice day yesterday. Sunny in the morning, about 27 degrees c. Then all of a sudden, the wind started to howl and hail the size of golf balls fell from the sky. It was quite romantic, listening to the tap tap tap on our tin roof. Not the kind of weather you'd expect in early Autumn, but a day I look forward to telling you about, baby bee. :)

(I'm starting to collect important 'moments' that have occurred in the year of baby bee's birth. Bear with me, as this blog becomes a digital photo album of sorts).

ps - thanks for inspiring me to do this caylow x

feeling a bit lost

2010-02-23T16:52:00.001-08:00

I'm feeling a bit lost today. There has been quite a bit of bad news in the community. People I've come to love and really care about have been hit with yet more bad news. Life just seems so unfair sometimes. Why is it that some people have to deal with so much more pain than others?

Two of my surro friends have received negatives and one has had a miscarriage at 16 weeks.

Gosh, I am just so sad. I know from personal experience how hard it is to pick yourself up after something like this happens.

I wish my friends strength and love during this time.

a few pics

2010-02-21T01:35:00.000-08:00

we received our 12 week scan yesterday. thankfully everything is where it should be, so we can breathe a sigh of relief for another couple of weeks at least. little baby bee has a nasal bone, and all his/her other readings are good.

phew and yay!

here's a picture.

after receiving such good news, i finally let myself buy my first purchase. it's pink. i know. but it's very cheap - from ebay. and i'll buy a blue one to match it soon enough.

oh, also, some of you might remember this onesie, which i posted on my blog about a year ago, during our first pregnancy. i had forgotten about it until one arrived in the mail for me last week. my very dear friend had tracked it down for me and bought it as a surprise. thanks Amani - you're a treasure ;)

i'm off to camp for a few days - a nice excuse to spend a couple of days in the sunshine, snorkeling and learning to surf. how good is that?!

For my beloved

2010-02-10T16:28:00.000-08:00

It's our anniversary week this week. Today, we celebrate 9 years of marriage, and on the 14th (which also happens to be Valentine's Day) we'll have been together for 14 years. Yes (insert ick and yuks here), we met and fell in love on Valentine's Day.

Timmy has given me the ultimate gift, which is to love with complete trust and total abandonment. Finding each other so quickly in life was our first miracle. Conceiving baby bee was our second. We are truly blessed.

Happy anniversary my darlin boy. I am so deeply in love with you and can't wait to start our next chapter together.

Week 10!

2010-02-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

I was a bit grumpy when I arrived at work this morning. I don't like Mondays very much. Especially Mondays that start at 7.30am.

But my mood changed the instant I opened my email. There in my inbox was an email from Dr Shivani, complete with a scan of baby bee at ten weeks.

Isn't s/he gorgeous?

What do you think - boy or girl?

my new project

2010-01-31T02:34:00.000-08:00

My felty quilt is finished (well, nearly...), so it's time for a new project.

This one will be for the nursery, too. I just love bright colours - I can't get enough of them. And this particular craft project reminded me a lot of my vivid dream!

I'll post pics as I go along. Hope you like it as much as me.

memories

2010-01-26T20:03:00.000-08:00

Oh dear - summer holidays have officially finished and I'm back at school. Poo. It feels so strange to be back to the old routine. I can't help daydreaming about the future and imagining what my life will be like in 7 months time. 7 months! Wow,I hope it goes quickly.

Anyway, I managed to dig out these photos of my grandad, which were taken while he was stationed in Delhi during WW2. He was a medic, not a fighter and he lived in India for years. I think he and his mates even had a pet monkey.

My dad has never been to India and it's somewhere he's always wanted to go, partly because of the large part it played in grandad's life. Mum and dad are currently talking about coming to India for a holiday for a week or two while we're there for baby pickup. I find that prospect so exciting!

Please, please, please let everything go super smoothly between now and then.

My grandad is the dorky looking one second in from the right. Tho I never met him, apparently I'm a lot like him. A bit bookish, interested in ideas, stubborn, opinionated and talkative. Just to name a few attributes. :)

Week 8 Update

2010-01-25T00:47:00.000-08:00

Here's my little one. Walking upside down? ;)

Dr Shivani does a scan every two weeks. It's wonderful - I'll have an album full of pictures even before little one arrives.

Oh, and I've been singing this song to myself for the past two weeks. I know it's a bit cheesy, but I couldn't have written better lyrics if I'd tried.

What a week!

2010-01-14T05:26:00.000-08:00

Monday, we got a call from Tim's mum in Perth, saying that Tim's Pop (grandad) was on his death bed and that we should go home to say our goodbyes. We hopped on a plane that afternoon and were by his side that evening.

Tuesday, we spent the whole day with Pop. I massaged his hands and arms and we all shared fond memories of this very gentle man, as we crammed around his bed. He was having a lot of trouble breathing and there were a few moments we thought we'd lost him, but he struggled on and fought to see another day.

Wednesday, we went straight to Pop's side. I made a cottage pie for Tim's mum and nan, as they hadn't had a chance to eat anything substantial in a long time. While there, we received a call from Tim's aunty back in Melbourne, telling us that our dog had disappeared from her back garden, and that she hadn't been seen for a couple of hours.

We were both frantic. She was miles away from home and I had a million (not-so-nice) scenarios running through my head. Although we wanted to stay with Pop, we couldn't cope with our baby girl being lost and alone in the dark, so we decided to fly home that night and start looking for her.

We took the red-eye and arrived back in Melbourne at 6am. We hired a car and went straight to Tim's Aunty's neighbourhood, where we began posting up notices and calling Muppet's name.

We'd only been there for a couple of hours when the pound called, saying they'd found a white maltese. Muppet! We collected her from the pound and took her home (where she received an equal share of cuddles and telling-offs).

...ok, maybe not so equal.

A few hours later, we received word that Pop had passed away. It was quick and peaceful and we were relieved that his struggle was finally over.

An hour after that, we received another call from Tim's brother, saying that he and his wife had just given birth to their third daughter, Sofia.

What a day.

In 24 hours, we'd lost and found our dog, said goodbye to Pop and welcomed our new niece into the world.

I feel exhausted and happy and relieved and jubilant and thankful and contemplative and sad, all at the same time. If this is a test, we're glad to say we passed...but we hope parenthood is a little less traumatic!

Tomorrow sees us buying some plants, having a swim and watching a film. We need a bit of normality for just a little while. So please listen to me, Universe...no big surprises tomorrow, OK?

have i told you about my dream?

2010-01-10T02:43:00.000-08:00

Toward the end of our 2ww, I dreamt we received our results, and they looked a bit like this:

On waking, I knew we were pregnant, cause I'd seen a big blob of swirling colour that represented life and growth.

As I continue to think about baby bee, I imagine these lights dancing around in the womb. Ha! I'm such a child of the 80s!

On Cloud Nine

2010-01-08T04:26:00.000-08:00

We have a heart beat! We have a heart beat!

We're beyond happy. We can't believe this is finally happening to us!

I've spent my entire adult life thinking I won't have children, and now we have one on the way.

If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up.

THANK YOU!

xxx

P's tiny, tiny sac

2010-01-03T19:08:00.000-08:00

Dr Shivani called last night to say that our second surro has a tiny, tiny sac, measuring 4 weeks instead of 5 weeks 2 days (which is what it should measure). She thinks we should remain guarded about this little one, as it probably won't amount to anything.

We are following her advice and trying to keep our emotions in check. That said, we are believers in miracles and will continue to hope and pray for good news. Lol.

Next test is on Friday, when Dr Shivani will be looking for a heartbeat. I've got EVERYTHING crossed and can't wait to find out the results. Here's praying for a strong heartbeat (or two!).

x

So far, so good

2010-01-02T00:15:00.000-08:00

Great news! We received the results from our second test last night and they're good. We have one well-defined sac in our surrogate R. Hooray!

Our second surrogate, P, has the same scan tomorrow. We're not holding out much hope for her pregnancy, but we're not ruling it out either. Her numbers, while very low, have been doubling, so we'll just have to wait and see.

Either way, I'm very, very happy today! I feel really positive and calm about things. I think Dr Shivani has helped me feel this way. She calls exactly when she says she will, she sends well-reasoned emails, responds quickly and professionally to my queries and seems to genuinely care about her patients.

I cannot recommend her highly enough!!!

Once in a Blue Moon

2009-12-31T02:54:00.001-08:00

Just after midnight, in the first few hours of 2010, Perth will be able to see a Blue Moon eclipse. Apparently, a Blue Moon is when two full moons occur within a calendar month (the second being the 'blue one').

I'm taking this as a sign, for sure. Which is lucky, cause I get my second lot of results tomorrow.

Happy 2010 everyone. I hope this new decade brings you love, luck and lots of babies!!!

Thank you Dr Shivani

2009-12-28T05:24:00.001-08:00

Never before have I felt so much trust in a doctor (apart from my cardiologist). I'm so grateful. x

Turns out...

2009-12-25T01:35:00.000-08:00

We got the day wrong. We thought we'd find out on Christmas Eve, but we mis-counted, and received the news today instead (just when we were about to sit down for Christmas dinner).

And the news is really good! One surrogate had a beta of 217 on 14dpo and the other had a beta of 20. We're so happy that we have one strong positive! We continue to pray that this baby sticks and decides to meet us in August/September next year.

We couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present. Thank you Santa, thank you God, thank you Mata Rani, thank you surro family.

THANK YOU!!! xxx

Family time

2009-12-21T16:09:00.001-08:00

Well, we're here, and having a lovely time with family.

Little Layfie won't let me out of his sight. He is such a treasure and I completely adore him. It'll be tough in a couple weeks time when I have to say goodbye properly. :(

When I think of that scenario, I wonder if I'll be helped or hindered by the news we have coming from India. Only a couple more days till we know if we're in with a chance.

I'm trying not to think about it, but it's so tough! Hope you're all enjoying the holidays, wherever you are.

xxx

ready for take off!

2009-12-19T22:49:00.000-08:00

Last night, Timmy and I went to a lovely Christmas party, hosted by our dear 'friend family' in Melbourne. We quaffed champagne and nibbled sausages on their roof-top terrace and I must admit I got more than a little bit tipsy...again! Haha.

And now I'm packing for Perth, where we'll join our proper family for a week or two of fun and love. I can't wait to spend some quality time with our nieces (on Tim's side). We're taking them out for the day on Christmas eve and so far, we've planned to see A Christmas Carol in Gold Class, followed by lunch on the beach. I just love this time of year and it'll be wonderful to share the festive season with our gorgeous girls. :)

I'm on day 10 of the 2WW. It's been OK so far, but I'm ready for it to end. Part of me thinks we might be in with a chance and then the other part wonders if it'll ever happen for us. YIKES!!! I can't wait till Christmas Eve!

x

What a day!

2009-12-13T23:58:00.000-08:00

I've had such a busy day today. First me year twelves' results came out (most good, one EXCEPTIONAL), then I helped my brother move out of his house and back to Perth (sob), then I heard from India about our ET.

All went well and we ended up with 8 embies - 6 of which were A grade and the remaining B. We're happy with that and now we're in the 2ww. YIKES!

I think we find out Christmas Eve. I hope Santa remembers us this year!

Hope, hope, hope, pray, wish, hope, hope, pray, wish (repeat).

just right

2009-12-12T00:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the last day of school for the year (whoo-hoo!) and to celebrate, the school put on a Christmas lunch for us, followed by a party at the local lawn bowls club.

It was so much fun and I didn't get home till 4am. Tim had his staff party the same night, so we've spent the whole day drifting in and out of our hangover-induced slumbers.

I guess we were both celebrating a bit last night, cause our beautiful donor produced 10 eggs. Wonderful! Now all we have to do is wait to see how many embies we get and then cross our fingers for the next couple of weeks.

I'll keep you posted!

A Prayer to Mata Rani

2009-12-06T16:58:00.000-08:00

We received our surrogate profiles today. We hope to use two surrogates, but that depends on how many embies we get and their quality. So far, we know our donor is doing quite well - the CD9 scan showed 7-8 follicles and we're hopeful they'll mature and fertilise into lovely embies. I'm not sure when egg retrieval is, but I imagine it'll be around Thursday or Friday.

One of our surrogates wrote a beautiful message at the bottom of her profile, which really got me thinking. She said she'd pray to Goddess Mata Rani for us and that she hopes we have twins. I didn't know who Mata Rani was, so I did a bit of research and discovered that Mata Rani is a manifestation of the Mother Goddess. Hinduism is very confusing, as there are so many manifestations of Gods and Goddesses, but as I understand it, the Mother Goddess (sometimes referred to as Maa, sometimes Devi) is considered to be the Absolute Energy of the Universe and takes on many forms. I'm not sure what the manifestation of Rani is, but I know it involves singing and a beautiful woman on the back of a lion who is all-knowing, kind and who showers her blessings on all of her devotees.

If you have the time and the inclination, please enjoy this youtube vid of Amma Bhajan singing to Mata Rani, filmed in several locations across India (and oddly enough, Melbourne!).

I'll keep you posted.

Getting closer now

2009-12-03T12:58:00.000-08:00

Our dear D leaves for India today. She'll have her scan when she arrives, which'll tell us how many eggs to expect.

I'm hoping for a nice middle-of-the-road number. Just like Goldilocks, I'll be aiming for a figure that's not too big and not too small, but one that's just right.

My stomach is starting to turn and my head is beginning to spin.

I'm praying for a miracle!!!!

we're cycling again

2009-11-28T15:17:00.000-08:00

Our donor started her meds a couple of days ago and she heads over to India towards the end of the week. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. But I'm also very hopeful that things will work out this time. And I know that if they don't, we'll survive. We'll be sad for a while, but we'll survive.

I'll let you know what happens re egg pick up as soon as I know! Keep your fingers crossed for us, surro family!

x

thank you, surro family

2009-11-18T13:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks for your comments, everyone. Your support and love means so much to me. I am blessed to have you in my life. THANK YOU.

Timmy arrived home yesterday, a little tired but quite excited. He's really impressed with Dr Shivani and the set up at Phoenix hospital. He also said that Delhi is a lot quieter than Mumbai and much cheaper. So far so good!

Now we just have to wait a few more weeks, then a couple more after that, then hopefully 9 months. I am really eager to start now. My patience (what little I had) is beginning to wear thin!

But there's plenty of other stuff to keep me going in the interim. There are reports to write, exams to mark and end of year celebrations to be had.

It was so good to have Timmy home again last night and the thought did cross my mind that our house is already so full of love, asking for any more feels a bit greedy. But then I remembered that there's no such thing as 'too much love'. Bring it on, I say! I want to drown in endorphins.

x

A prayer for Natalia

2009-11-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Sarah has recently turned my attention to a member of our surrogacy family who's not very well. Natalia has CF and is on the waiting list for a lung transplant.

Please say a prayer for Natalia and do whatever you can do to raise people's awareness of organ donation.

She is such a beautiful, brave woman and I hope with all my heart that she gets her lungs soon.

xxx

A Week Away

2009-11-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

I've just come back from year 7 camp. It was the first school camp I've ever been on and it was EXHAUSTING!

Course, it didn't help that we were experiencing a heatwave at the time, with 35+ days and lots of outside, physical activities. I was in charge of the Flying Fox for most of the time and had to collect students as they flew down the cable. Course, I had to climb a ladder to do so, cause they were left dangling in mid-air, and all of this was done in the full sun. Argh!!! What a nightmare.

The heatwave aside, it was pretty fun. I enjoyed hanging out with the girls in a less official capacity and it was great to share weird and random moments with my fellow teachers. For example, one of the girls was unwell and lying in bed. We asked her what was wrong and she simply said "I'm allergic to the bush".

It's how we all felt, I suspect.

Happy Birthday, Blog

2009-10-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

It's one year to the day since I wrote my first blog post. I'd been researching for a lot longer than that, but today marks the first anniversary of my adventures in Surrogacy Blogland.

I thought I'd be pregnant by now. In fact, I thought I'd be on my way to picking up my babies. Or at the very least, in the second trimester of my second attempt, or the first trimester of my third. Funny how things don't go according to plan.

It's only in the past few months that I've been able to look beyond the urgency of baby-making and start enjoying the gift of life again. Of course surrogacy is never far from my mind, but at least I'm not wishing my life away, as I was earlier this year.

It's so reassuring to see people succeed in their journey, but it hurts a lot, too. That's a terrible thing to admit, but I think it's really important to be honest about these things. On the one hand, I am incredibly happy for my friends, but there are questions still hanging over my future and I won't be able to enjoy their news fully until I know what Fate has in store for me.

Will it work for us next time? Will I ever be able to stop worrying?

This is not the post I had hoped to write. Dear friends, forgive my melancholy. It's only temporary.

Anyone got a Map of Tassie?

2009-10-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

It's my darling boy's birthday today. And despite having a Faculty meeting after school (yawn), I'm going to cook him a lasagna and a birthday cake when I get home. He knows about the lasagna (his request) but the cake will be a surprise. It's his only birthday present from me this year, but one given with lots of love.

My mum's been an angel and organised a mini-break for us to Tasmania as our combined birthday gift. Tim and I will leave Friday night and meet my mum, uncle and aunty over there. We'll have the first night to ourselves before they join us.

I can't wait to get on a plane and have a few days off. I also can't wait to see my mummy. It's been over six months since I've seen her. WAY TOO LONG! Especially as there's been so much crap between visits. I've been getting more and more excited as the week's progressed and now I can finally say "only a few more sleeps till I see my Mum!"

Dreams of babies and surrogacy still occupy my thoughts much of the time, but they're a lot quieter now. I've finally learnt the art of patience.

yeah, right...lol

x

the last day as a free woman

2009-10-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

The clocks have been put forward an hour today, ensuring the very last day of my school holiday is that much shorter. What a shame. These past three weeks have been too good to be true.

I've been hanging out with Layfie heaps. I bought him a wonderful book called 'We're Going on a Bear Hunt', which he really responded to. It's got a repetitive phonetic structure and is great to read aloud. This is the first book I've noticed him really interact with. He's been reading lines as I've prompted him, which has been awesome for both of us. I highly recommend this book for your little ones - it'll keep them entertained for hours and hours and hours and help them understand the concept of reading.

Last night I caught up with a long lost friend. We had drifted apart years ago, when I moved to the UK, but we're both living in the same city now, and all credit to him, he called me up a couple of weeks ago to 'reconnect' and get the friendship back on track. It was a bit awkward at first, but we spent the night talking about everything we'd been through and when he left, I felt like there may be a future for our friendship. Things were not great between us when I left Perth, and it was good to talk through some things and explore our feelings. It made us both feel mature and sensible and made us realise how important we are to each other. (And before you get the wrong idea, he's gay, so there!).

While I was catching up with my mate, Timmy was reading the news. He did such a great job, and Maty and I watched on nervously and giggled at Timmy's ultra-sharp mannerisms and occasional jiggles in his seat. He's just so good at what he does - we were both extremely proud, watching him.

As for surrogacy stuff, I've no news to report I'm afraid. We're waiting for our bank account to swell, then it'll be all systems go. That means lots of soup and beans for the next few months. Hopefully that'll help with my diet!

So, wish me luck with school tomorrow. I'll be dragging my heals, that's for sure. The smell of summer is in the air, and who wants to be stuck in the classroom, when you could be out enjoying the sunshine!

If

2009-09-10T05:27:00.000-07:00

Our year 12 girls had their farewell dinner tonight. It was touching and I must admit I cried when this poem was read by our Head Teacher. I thought some of you might appreciate it, as it really applies to all of us and what we're going through.

It's by Rudyard Kipling, a very famous writer born in Mumbai.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Love Luke Chueh

2009-09-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

He's one of my favourite artists. And I've always loved this painting the most - it's called 'The Queen is Dead'.

Anyway, here it is here. Let's just say i can relate to it now in ways I never thought I'd have to.

from the mouth of babes

2009-09-02T03:41:00.000-07:00

My SIL told me a story today that I think you'll appreciate:

Last night, my brother said to Layfie "you're beautiful." Then he asked him, "do you know who else is beautiful?" And Layfie shook his head. "Mummy is beautiful, and so is baby Olive," my brother replied.

Layfie had a think for a moment and said "I know, I know, I know who else is beautiful...My JoJo is beautiful."

These are the moments that give me strength and break my heart, all at the same time.

haha - this is fun!

2009-08-29T01:18:00.000-07:00

xxx

˙pooƃ slǝǝɟ

˙sǝƃɐ uı lɐıɔos uǝǝq ǝʌ,ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ ˙ɹǝuuıp ɹoɟ ɹǝʌo spuǝıɹɟ ƃuıʌɐɥ ɯ,ı ˙puǝʞǝǝʍ pooƃ ɐ ƃuıʌɐɥ llɐ ǝɹ,noʎ ǝdoɥ

¡ʇı ǝʌol ı ˙sıɥʇ op oʇ ʍoɥ ǝɯ pǝʍoɥs spuǝıɹɟ ʎɯ ɟo ǝuo

ps - if u want to flip your own text, go here: http://www.en.fliptext.net/

Year 32

2009-08-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

Every year, a friend of mine writes a 'state of address' diary entry on his birthday, providing a comprehensive and somewhat poetic account of his life to that date. I thought this birthday (of all birthdays) would be a good time to start my own version. Some of it may be poignant, some prosaic, but all of it will be truthful.

Waking up:
On the 11,680th day of my life, I woke up to an empty house, save for the dog, who was standing at her doggy door, waiting to be let out. Tim was at the gym, so I jumped in the shower and turned up the heat. After a long morning hug that made me late for my tram, I finally made it to work. My girlfriend welcomed me with another heartfelt embrace and I knew my day was already complete.

As this was going on, 23 12 year old girls sat giggling in the darkness, waiting for me to come to class. They showered me with streamers and balloons and force fed me chocolate cake. Even now, locked away in my office, I can see two of them wandering the hallway, wearing paper hats and waving at me with streamers. They will use my birthday as an excuse to muck around all day, and I won't mind at all. Neither will their other teachers.

Working:
I work at a posh girls school in inner Melbourne. I teach the daughters of doctors, lawyers and minor celebrities. I love teaching. I love trying to make the light bulbs glow above my students' heads. I love finding new ways to get through to them. I also love standing at the front of the class being nothing but myself, knowing that I have a unique relaionship with every one of the 100+ girls I teach. I don't enjoy telling them off, but I'm getting better at it. I don't enjoy the girls' boredom - I take it too personally. I will use slapstick if I have to to keep them entertained. Sometimes, I say swear words to shock them and later lose sleep over the abusive phonecalls I will receive from their mothers. But it's worth it - I wouldn't change a thing. I prefer naughty girls to nice girls and I love the girls the other teachers hate.

Loving:
I have been living with my husband for 13 and a half years. Last night, we reminisced about the early days and the first time we met. We used to make up our own love songs and sing them to each other till 4 in the morning. We were living with my mum and dad at the time, and my poor mum would knock on my door to ask if we could please be quiet so she could get some sleep. Apparenlty I met Tim two months before we 'officially met', at an Urge Overkill gig. After we'd been together a while, he confessed that he'd been stalking me a bit. He could recall places I'd been and who I was with. It was romantic and amazing to think that Tim knew me before we met. He is now and will always be the first person I want to share secrets with, the one who can make all the stress fall from my shoulders, the one who carries me. He is also humble and handsome and honourable. He is My Timothy.

Family:
Last night, I learnt that my brother will definitely be moving back home in December. This morning, he left a message on my voicemail that made me cry. He sang happy birthday to me the whole way through and told me how much he loves me. I will miss my brother so much as he is my best friend. And his children are the closest thing I have to pure perfection. My nephew has recently started calling me My JoJo. I wonder whether he'll remember me when he leaves. The only thing that stops me feeling real pity for myself is knowing that my mum will finally get to be a proper nanna. I think that means I'm finally a grown-up.

Living:
I am trying to have a baby. I have been trying to have a baby for six months but I have wanted a baby for much longer than that. The Black Saturday bushfires will always remind me of our first attempt. Our baby would have been born on Remembrance Day and from now on, the one minute silence will take on new meaning for me. I am hoping to try again before the latter date arrives, but it is tricky organising surrogacy in India. There are so many thoughts and confused feelings going through my mind. Hopefully it'll work out this year and we will achieve our dream.

Other Offerings:
Tim and I have been hermits this year and I have spent most of 2009 asleep. I looked up at the sky the other day and realised that we're approaching Spring. After losing 3 dream-babies, I have finally woken up and want to live again in the moment. On my way to work today, I saw white blossoms and a single perfect lily. I also saw the number 69 and comically offensive graffiti. Tonight I will make a nice dinner and talk on the phone until husband comes home. Then I will spend the rest of the evening glued to his side watching TV and cuddling our doggy.